Does this post make me look fat? or, don't start a conversation you don't want to have
I read a couple of articles found via digg the other day, a couple of counterpoints from girl gamers who were talking about their treatment by guys in online games. One was a complaint, and the other was basically a rebuttal of the complaint saying "guys are just like that."
In the article comments, I couldn't help but derail it a bit into the world at large. I thought I'd put my thoughts here where some other women who have careers and who are my age (thus older than the digg demographic) could comment. I think it's a really worthwhile discussion for us to have, and for us to think about as we go about our daily lives.
Yes, the online world is full of idiots. But it isn't just the online world. I have been a woman in a man's world (the technology industry) for going on 15 years now, and the attitudes expressed in games, chat rooms, IRC, and forums carry over into daily life, just more subtly. I have to prove myself on two levels in every job: as a technologist, and as a woman.
Am I being a whiny bitch about it? No. I got where I am by being technically skilled, able to get the job done, better at diplomacy than my peers, and thick-skinned. I don't stoop to the same level. And frankly, I'm here because I want to be here, whether or not there's a higher degree of prejudice. I believe women who spend their time complaining about being treated unfairly are leaving their most effective weapon in the holster: their skills. They reflect poorly on the rest of us (who get the job done) by diverting the discussion to gender when it should be about results.
If there's an issue of sexual harassment, then discuss sexual harassment (but make sure you actually have a case before you go blowing the whistle). If your boss tells you, "You can't do that because you're a woman / I won't give you that position because you might get pregnant and decide to leave," that's illegal and you take it up with the labor department. Complaining because you think you aren't being taken seriously due to your gender just makes you look worse and makes managers wonder what you think you need to justify.
In every situation where people believe they have a right to discuss gender with regard to rewards or criticisms in the workplace, they need to step back and look for something WORK-RELATED to discuss instead. "Hey, look at what I accomplished here. I deserve a raise because I outsold my fellow widget salesmen by 30% last year. I didn't deserve that reprimand because I built 40 more widgets an hour using my own procedure and they still met safety code specifications." Not, "I deserve a raise because my male co-worker makes more money than I do."* Not, "Women just think differently and we're more organized, but you don't understand that."**
The way to get past gender bias on a level that matters is to be good at what you do. The way to change the perception about women and their inherent ability to do technical jobs is for women to do them well. Three times I was the first woman hired in a technology company. Three times I was just the first of many.
I do think gender bias exists and should be dealt with. I just think that bringing it up as the central issue runs completely counter to the goal, which is for it not to be an issue at all.
* If you took the job at a lower pay rate without doing your homework, shame on you, but you took it. The time to negotiate on salary equality is when you accept the offer.
** Actual excuse offered by administrative assistant who did not retain her position.
Comments
Also, one time when I was asking for a raise, I told my boss, "I want this raise because the young punks you just hired, whom I am TRAINING, are making more than I am, and that's not fair." They agreed and gave me a raise. It wasn't a gender thing, but it was still an equity issue.
But on the whole, I agree that if people spent more time proving themselves by working hard and displaying a high skill level, and less time whinging about how unfair the workplace is, yeah, we'd all get ahead.
You deserved that raise because you were training people who were being paid more than you. It was a reasonable request on the basis of your skills and experience. And thankfully, your employer did the right thing. Good for you!
I do agree that sometimes you just have to take a job. In those situations, I still believe there are opportunities to make your work the reason why you need to make as much as your peers (and that's really what it's about, rather than getting what "the boys" get, no?). Sadly, employers will pay as little as they can and sometimes I think they can sense desperation. :(
When I was first starting out I was that combination of smart, young, and naive that every hiring manager on a budget dreams of. I remember being ecstatic when I got a raise from $18k a year to $24k a year. It was such a huge raise I didn't even bother finding out until years later that the average salary in my area for my position was $48k. In that case, shame on me. It screwed me up for years afterward until I started refusing to answer the question "what were you paid in your last position?"
Right on sister. lol.....The proof is in the pudding. The unequal pay still ticks me off, but I have always worked my way to the top most level I could on any job. By doing the best job I was capable of everday.
I am retired now due to disability but I still try an learn news things everyday.
I believe gender bias exists, but I have to say I haven't been around it much in my twenty-year career in technology. I've never been at the top of the pyramid, though, so there may be nastiness happening in upper levels of management I don't know about. But in the "zone" I inhabit, I'm not aware of any overt bias. Fully half the managers I've ever reported to have been women, including directors and VPs. In my teams, an engineer is an engineer, and I evaluate them as best I can on the quality of their work alone.
Perhaps I've just been fortunate so far. There was one unpleasant incident, in which an employee (not in my department) was being dismissed (with cause, from what I could tell), and decided to play both the gender and race cards in an attempt to either retain the job or sue for a tidy sum. As I wasn't directly involved, I don't know how it panned out, but it struck me as a silly thing to do.
As I've told several people in the past, "they're not discriminating against you because you're gay/black/female/etc. It's because you're a complete asshole."